The Orange Bowl Lanes

Bowling technician Richard "Dick" Simmons has a boss who doesn't appreciate him, coworkers he can barely tolerate, and a job that hardly pays the bills. To make matters worse, one night, while closing up the business, he's attacked by an assassin and barely escapes with his life. What's next, alien invaders? (Well...) Far in space, an interstellar crime syndicate perceives a garbled transmission from Earth as a threat to its business, with Dick Simmons as the primary culprit. They send in their top assassin, Bison Tennial, to remove Dick Simmons before he grows too powerful. But the assassination goes horribly wrong. The syndicate soon arrives on Earth and realizes it's a perfect luxury vacation spot. They decide to take Earth for themselves and sell it to the highest bidder. (Shame about the populace, though. They'll absolutely have to go.) Dick Simmons issues them a challenge: you want our planet, you're going to have to bowl us for it. And thus begins the most ridiculous and chaotic bowling tournament of all time. Sam Knight is the author of the Triumph of Heroes trilogy. With his fourth book, he ventures away from epic fantasy and into comedy. He has been published on NPR and publishes flash fictions and short stories on his website.